I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
