I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
