Three words: puerto rican gang bang
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
