So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
