Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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