I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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