i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
