I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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