it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
