She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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