his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
