Already got asked if we're dating
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
