I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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