someone owes me an orgasm
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
