your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
