How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
