she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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