We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
