I think I won the penis lottery.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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