She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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