Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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