My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
