If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She bit a glass in half.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
