I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
