shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
