her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
