I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
