And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sext me about skeletons
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
