I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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