apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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