The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
