I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
