I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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