living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
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they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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