i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm like, not good at living.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
