I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She told me I should be a condom model.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
