I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
