Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
