I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
