If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
