I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
