Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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