she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
