I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I deserve this hangover.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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