Need sex. Gaining weight.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
