i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
