atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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