just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
