Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
