I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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