Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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