I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
