my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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