Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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