I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
