I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
