Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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