Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
