I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
please don't ironically join a cult
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