There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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