ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
