Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
