I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
ok first of all what the fuck
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
