Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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