So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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