i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
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We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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