And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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