did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
