oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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