You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
