Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
