you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
