Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
