Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
