Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He better not be in your backpack
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
