just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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