i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
