Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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