You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
