At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
